so…it seems that just as one cloud of dust begins to settle, there is always something stampeding down that proverbial horizon to make the dirt fly into the air.
that something this time is my sister. isn’t it always?
my sister…which i have previously talked about is a drug addict (breaking into the past isn’t always easy) and…things haver gone awry.
i dont stay in contact with her. i love her with all of my heart, i love the person that she used to be. but, the people that she takes advantage of tend to reach out to me. i got a message at nine thirty tonight from one of these people, the person that she has been staying with, asking me for help.
she was asking for help because my sister has been high on crack and heroin for days and was walking around her house topless ranting and cleaning. this bleeding heart also has three small children, by the way. i told her to call the cops. she has a warrant out for her arrest, and if she calls the cops she will be arrested. simple, right?
well, apparently this girl is being threatened by my sister that she will call chil protective services on her for various unfounded reasons, which this struggling, single mother doesnt want to chance. because she doesnt know if my sister would stash drugs somewhere in the house, and even if there is nothing in the system, having them around kids will endanger them.
so..what to do?
call the fricking cops. except, i dont know where she lives, and she wouldnt tell me because she doesnt want the cops picking my sister up at her house. she wants to set up some sort of sting where she arranges for the cops to meet her somewhere when she knows that my sister is carrying, so that she is sure to get locked up.
i just want to scream. i want to bang my head against the wall. i told my boyfriend that i want to throw my cell phone through my face. because, i just dont know what else to do. my sister is a plague on my life which i will truly never be cured of because even if she dies, even if she recovers, the pain that she has inflicted will never be forgotten. i want to say that i am not one to hold a grudge, but i am cursed with a mind that remembers everything. there is nothing that escapes this vortex.
i want to forget that she exists. i want to forget what she has done to my family. what she has done to her family. i want to take my medication and get better. i dont want to be bothered by it all. she brings back all of the hurt. i want to forget. i want to crawl into a bottle. i want to press curling irons against my skin and feel the burn and hear the sizzle. i want to not feel.
oh the bliss of ignorance is something i have never been blessed to feel.
jennimazky 